I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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