Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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