Fuck appropriateness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
