Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
