Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Two words: nipple clamps
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