My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So many bounce houses so little time
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
