I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
