so explain again why im purple
no
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize