Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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