when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
