Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
