Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
