You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
