You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize