I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
