so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
