just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
