my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
