White coat. Heels.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
