Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
