That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize