just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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