About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
