So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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