smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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