I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
