At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
