I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
