He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
