So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
