so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
