Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
