Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
