We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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