Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
