I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
