I wish my penis had an off switch
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
