ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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