So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
