Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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