Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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