From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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