okay pat passed out under dana's car
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
