Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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