If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
