As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did i walk over a car last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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