we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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