just tell him i said nine months
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize