there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
