I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
