You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
