We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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