He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
