I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
