we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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