then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
