alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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