Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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