On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
