Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
