We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
