So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
