I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
