So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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