I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
