He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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