brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
