he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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