Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
