I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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