just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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