last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
