is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
