Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
