dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They have beer where we have blood.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
